The Future

Lately, my life has taken a turn: left all my friends in Manila to move to the U.S. Also, got older, a little wiser, a little sexier, a little cuter. At the same time, all my friends are graduating, seeking nonexistent jobs for Literature majors. Everyone seemed to be moving on. Everyone is going to the next chapter of their lives, breaking up with college romances or creating new ones. They’ll probably get married soon too and have a baby. (At this point of my life, I’ll be glad if my friends had a baby)

I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out. And I wish someone could take the sadness I cannot (a Sia lyrics). When I look back at my life, and trust me this happens more often that I thought—reading old messages, scrolling through the pictures I posted on Twitter, a hole in me deepens. Like someone’s operating a hole in my heart and with a finger, digs and digs on it.

The Daily Patrick, the blog before this, meant a lot to me but I’ve decided to delete it because I realized I don’t want all of my work public and free for plagiarizing. It was also pretty tiring to have a daily commitment like a boyfriend or school (this is why I don’t have relationships! SSSH!). The Patrick Chronicles means a lot to me too. I’d like to think I’ve written some great blog entries (personal favorites: Awards Season and Feminism through Selena Gomez).

There’s a part of me that says, stay visible. Stay active. Your friends love you and they want to know what is up with you. And for quite some time, I’d like to stay that way.

On the other hand, I also want to stay low. I want to regroup. To think things through. What should be my next step in life aside from getting myself a bear claw or getting a date? So, yes, this is goodbye. I hope someday I could get back to writing blog entries. Maybe I will. But as of the present, I’m not planning to. I’m probably like Kris Aquino quitting showbiz then coming back a month after. I have several blogs of Tumblr and Blogspots I cannot delete after all. But right now, this is how I feel.

So to Denden, the only one I’m sure of who reads my blog on a regular basis: thank you.

I have a couple posts that I’ll be doing: a tour of Las Vegas and playlist 20, a playlist composed of songs that I have listened to over the years. The playlist 20 is titled Changes. Both of which are coming out on June.

For me, this is my future: I’ll be writing and writing secretly, try to get a novel done, a short story done, or a poetry collection done and submit them to various publications. I’m also going to find a job that can feed my family. I already have a Food Safety Health Card and I’ve submitted a lot of resumes online (none of which are interested). I’m going to buy a car, live an ordinary American life, complain about the hot weather about to hit this summer, go to awkward dates, fight with my family, and write. I’d like to be back to blog writing next year with this same website, so do not worry.

Do e-mail me for anything: patrickjohndanque@gmail.com

My Twitter account is pretty active: @patricksuxx

To the Future,

xx P

Explaining the playlist 19

In light of my upcoming birthday next week, I have curated a playlist for my 20th birthday. But now I’ve realized, we haven’t gotten into the 19 playlist yet which was created almost a year ago and I deemed it important to explain how each song is important to me. It’s just that according to the musical movie Begin Again, “you can know a lot about the person just by looking at her/his playlist.” Non-verbatim. You can listen to the 19 playlist on Spotify here except for the Grouplove song while you read this. You’re welcome.

  1. You Are a Tourist – Death Cab for Cutie

The playlist opens up with this song from the Codes and Keys album. Now it’s a very special song because it reminded me of my fifteen-year old self which was a time of adolescence anxiety, find-yourself kind of desperation and sadness (it was summer), and life-altering decisions (post-high school, pre-college era). The song is about home and the alienation of home and you suddenly becoming a tourist to your own home. Also, you can say that the album is one of my most favorite albums of all time if not a Lana Del Rey album.

2.West Coast – Lana Del Rey

Released as the lead single for her second album, Ultraviolence, this dreamy guitar-heavy anthem for going to the beach and California is dark and grim. Somehow I’ve realized it is more fascinating to be in Hollywood, the white beaches of California, the gods and monsters that live there, and when it’s dark, it is sort of nastier than New York. Now, Lana del Rey isn’t for everyone but it’s enough to make her A-List famous.

3. Wonderwall – Oasis

All my life I’ve known this song from karaoke or radios until it became officially a favorite since I heard it in TV shows like My Mad Fat Diary (which features a lot of British music in the 80s and 90s) or HBO’s Girls. I hope everyone’s familiar with this one. I remember watching Lena Dunham, half-naked in her bathtub, murmuring the song or that scene when she rested her head on the toilet after puking. Sometimes I sing this song in the exact manner.

4. Two Fingers – Jake Bugg

Jake Bugg when he first came out with Lightning Bolt was a pleasant surprise. He has this weird, country deep voice that I really like. It’s unique and Two Fingers made his voice more pronounced and it’s catchy as fuck. One of the things I remember with this song is when I wash the dishes. Sometimes I finish the entire album while I’m singing his songs, twirling around in the kitchen—I’m that slow in washing the dishes.

5. Seaside – The Kooks

I’ve dedicated this song to Seaside Pints. This song reminds me of her and this is the song I’ve been repeating when I was by the sea one time, alone and I had to kill time.

6. VCR – The XX

Do you have those songs which will instantly make you feel sad and curl up in a ball like a fetus and contemplate? This is it. I sincerely love them from the bottom of my heart and I always remember myself lying in bed just listening to this song after a whole day of stressful academics.

7. Hood – Perfume Genius

This is my most recent discovery out of these 18 other songs. This song came from his pre-fame album, Put Your Back N 2 It. What I like about this is the sadness in it: “You would never call me baby, if you knew the truth.” Also, the music video’s powerful, featuring a gay porn star putting make up on Perfume Genius.

8. Chelsea Hotel No. 2 – Leonard Cohen

One of Lana Del Rey’s cover and poof! – becomes my new favorite. The song has more pronounced sadness and hopeless than some of the songs I’ve listed here and it ends with: “that’s all, I don’t even think of you that often.” I remember my mother saying she fell asleep to this song when I was playing it when we used to sleep on my grandmother’s bedroom. For me, when my family likes even just a song that I truly love, it means the world to me. Also, I like how I can sing this song so well. Most songs in this list are songs I can sing okay.

9. 400 Lux – Lorde

I have lots of favorite songs from Lorde but this is my all-time favorite. Lorde’s music reminds me of a simple neighborhood—a home for the teenage soul, where first times occur and the desire to get out of this place intensifies. Also, this is my go-to shower song. I really like songs I can sing well.

10. Blue Jeans – Lana del Rey

It’s too hard for me to pick one Lana del Rey song to include this year but I’ve discussed it with myself that I’ll just include a Lana del Rey song per year but since it’s my first playlist, I decided two is okay. The problem here is that Lana puts out an album every one or two years that it’s hard to pick one when almost every song is a favorite. Additionally, she has so many unreleased songs leaking year after year. So, yeah, this song was to me one of the best. It featured her well and it did great on the charts.

11. Feelin’ Good – Nina Simone

Nina Simone is one of Del Rey’s favorite artist. This is Nina’s most known song but I doubt that kids my age and my ethnicity listen to her. Del Rey has a tattoo Nina.

12. We Are Young – fun.

This to me is a song of freedom and energy. It’s probably one of my top three songs in this playlist. Before I listened to Oasis, The Beatles, and The Cure, fun. was my go-to boy band. I even burned the entire album from my computer so I can listen to it well on the stereo. Filed Under: Songs I Want to Die Listening To.

13. She Said – Longpigs

Discovered from the My Mad Fat Diary playlist. I’ve repeated this song once in the shower to make my playlist diverse because most of the time it’s just a bunch of female pop stars and the song grew on me. This is the only song I’ve known from them and probably the only song I remember. The TV series meant a lot to me and somehow this song represents the show to me.

14. Just Tonight – The Pretty Reckless

There was a point in my life when I was obsessed with Taylor Momsen. Seeing a rock band, which sometimes overlaps with metal rock, fronted by a woman is amazing to me and her music and its devilish themes appeal to me so much. This song is one of the few songs I can play in the guitar. I’ve been listening to this song since high school.

15. Teenage Dream – Katy Perry

I hate Katy Perry. There was a time where Lady Gaga and Katy Perry were neck and neck in awards and the top charts, and she always got the upper hand. But I loved the album Teenage Dream either way and this song, together with the music video, resonate freedom and youth. I just like to reminisce the time before my sexual awakening and how I was so curious about being a teenager and sex.

16. Everyone’s Gonna Get High – Grouplove

From the Girls soundtrack and this was Grouplove’s pre-fame era as well. When I refer to pre-fame, I’m talking about the time when they weren’t on any top charts or in anyone’s top albums, or mine’s. My other Grouplove favorite is Shark Attack. Like Wonderwall, this song reminds me of the show and New York.

17. Our Day Will Come – Amy Winehouse

Amy Winehouse is so special to me that I’m going to tattoo her name on my finger one day. That day will come. I remember listening to this song when I had summer classes in UP for LIRA, a poet fellowship and lecture and workshop series.

18. El Condor Pasa (If I Could) – Simon & Garfunkel

Along with any Lana del Rey song, El Condor Pasa is one of those songs that you wish you’d die to. It’s the theme song of Wild, which was a marvelous movie and ever since, the song felt like a journey. Filed under: songs to die to.

19. The Edge of Glory – Lady Gaga

Like Lana, I’ve struggled to pick just one song because I have fallen deeply in love with every one of her song but this song deals with death. Not necessarily a person but a death of something in the past to create glorious beginnings. When she played this on the Howard Stern show, I was moved to the bones.

Places/ Persons I Love Farting In/To

This is a repost from my The List App account and rewriting some parts of it to format it into a blog entry. The thing is, farting is so common, yet we have so many different experiences regarding farts and most of them are untold and some, according to a comment, like mine is full of heart.

Well, we all have that occasional slow silent farts we have to let go. The better question is where or to whom.

  1. The bookstore. My sister has this huge thing about this specific bookstore branch that makes her really fart so bad and so wrong which I had adapted but in a different bookstore. I don’t know what is up with bookstore but I still just walk around browsing and farting.
  2. My sister’s hand. I only did this when I was a gross ten year old boy to annoy the shit out of her.
  3. In the men’s room, in the urinals, when I’m peeing. Am I the only who uncontrollably farts when I pee? It was so embarrassing when everybody heard me, oh my god. Which body organ that holds the fart? And does it coordinate with your kidneys??? Help me, jesus fucking christ…
  4. My mother and father. Every time the sun starts to rise, my parents would start their fart-off. One’s the loud one and the other smells so bad, I’m not going to identify them for their own protection. This happened when we all slept in one bed. I used to help out but I don’t think I can top my parents. They’re my role models.
  5. When my friends smoke. I don’t smoke and this is the only way I could contribute to air pollution.
  6. To myself. I sniff the shit out of my own fart. But when if it belongs to others, I get immediately grossed out.

To anyone who farts in airplanes, you guys are sick. I’m claustrophobic and farting would suffocate the shit out of me.

The picture is Gene Belcher, the boy with the fart musical instrument, from Bob’s Burgers.

How to Deal with Your Haters

Recently, I’ve realized my pet peeve is ‘cool and famous’ people saying “haters gonna hate” so the following are my angry advices or options on how to deal with haters. The following are options, not a step-by-step procedure, on how to deal with your haters:

  1. You don’t. You let be whoever they are. At one point of your life, you hated something or someone. It means that you know what you like and what you don’t like. And a single person who tells you that they hate you should not outweigh the people around you who say otherwise. “If you are not hated in any way, you are not doing anything important,” says Lady Gaga.
  2. You always have to be the bigger person. I’ve told this to someone one time and she thought I was calling her fat. Being a bigger person means swallowing pride. Do not waste your energy to persons who do not even listen, who do not even desire some kind of change in their perspective.
  3. Fight them to the death. If you think you need to explain something, do. Let them know the context of yourself. Let them know that why you think they should not hate you. Let them realize you are only voicing out your feelings but those feelings have to be in accordance with the mind. We are two things: heart and mind. Be civil when you voice out your feelings. Remember what Hannah Montana said: “Fight fire with fire and all you’re going to get is a bigger fire.” But if you will, attack the argument, not the person.
  4. Be a drama queen. This is usual the path that I take but don’t really recommend. Stalk them on Twitter and Facebook and be mean to them with your friends. Make fun of things that they could change. (WARNING: do not make fun of the things people can’t change (for example, don’t make fun of them of their skin color or their height (instead, aggressively attack on their grammar))) Act like you’re better than him or her or them. In the end though, you’ll have to realize you’re not living a productive life but at least you had fun.
  5. Listen to them. This is the path that I’d like to take in the next few years. Listen, they care enough about something that they had to voice their opinions about it. That they had to fight with you just to get a message across. What if they went with the crowd and agreed to every word you say? These are people who have different takes on things. They will make you think about your life so hard and your moral compass pointing South that you would hate on them too but you have to listen to every word they say. These are people who are not blinded by your presence. These are people who can see through your positive side. (Caution: the word that I used is ‘listen,’ not ‘believe’ or ‘follow’). Note that some are not personal attacks.

 

That’s all I’ve got now. Signing off.

Photo above is from The Diary of a Teenage Girl.

 

A Room of One’s Own

Hi and welcome to my room–where hopes and dreams lived and died and one of my favorite places on Earth. Room is also the new Oscar-nominated movie which I already love without even watching it–it will be the film to destroy me this week.
So a little flashback: I got my room a little before high school, I’m not really sure when but it’s around that time when the transition from being a child to a teen was intense, with a huge cabinet that stores both my clothes and the bedsheets in the house, taking up half of the entire room and a huge bunk bed only for me. I only have this vague memory of me texting in j3j3m0hn on bed with a cellphone that has keypads.

In here, in this very room, I locked myself away from the world because I hate it. I frigging hate the entire universe and turned to books. I only hated it because I was too afraid to go out (social anxiety? etc) or my parents were (worrisome? etc.). I was stuck in a place and I had to make the most out of everything in a tiny space so I travelled instead through books. I think books help us travel without moving an inch. I started to read Twilight for a month–finishing one chapter after the next, thinking I was a voracious reader, taking myself to the rainy paradise Bella lived in Forks.

Additionally, this was my father and mother’s room before my aunt’s family moved and became bigger. Consequently, it became the room that housed me as an infant. There was this story in the family where my makeshift crib was a stereo because the bed was too small. Then, we moved to the master bedroom. At that time, it belonged to my mother’s bachelor brother Gerry and had those Basketball player posters posted on the wall which I vandalized generously. My sister and I vandalized a lot of walls when we were young–I think it’s only natural. It also became a toy room when we got older and when Gerry moved. It was filled with toys. I remember this distant childhood friend/ preschool classmate of mine when we were five who ran away from home to visit me in the toy room and his dad panicked the shit out of himself who found his son hours later after my father called him. He’s now broke and weird.

For me, at the time, that was paradise–I was blessed with hand-me-down toys from my cousins and newly-bought and delivered from my grandmother in the U.S. And shit, my sister and I have all the time in the world to spend with them. It was freedom–to have this precious privacy: a room of one’s own. I can do anything with it. As I got older, I appreciated the concept of privacy even more which remains a challenge to me because I want to move away but I also do not want to abandon my family at the same time and make them feel like I don’t want them. I hope I find a compromise someday.

This is a very personal piece for me and I hope you’ll appreciate it–it’s the place where lots of things changed and lots of things were learned. This was written not only for my friends but for me because as I am writing this, my entire family has moved to the U.S. and this room will never be mine and the same again. It will be lost. It will be unfamiliar. All the things that symbolized my being me will be lost. I can’t believe it but I’m writing this realizing what I had lost. These are the parts of the room and my own parts:
  I actually have a lot of books since I am a Lit Major. I’ve hoarded them whenever there is a book sale. In total, I have about 90 unread books all in all. And my Kindle, home of downloaded e-books from the internet, is now deemed irrelevant.

  A bunch of posters: a huge East Coast basketball players poster, a Lady Gaga poster, a remembrance that I took from my Creative Writing workshop in the university, a painting gifted by my friend Ynca who remains to be the best gifter of all time because she knows what I want, at the back of it is a Twilight Breaking Dawn poster

IMG_5812

I liked how she crossed out ‘never change’. She knows that I need to change and change is good if it’s for the better. One thing that made our friendship bloom was our mutual love for Lady Gaga when we were in our first year in college. Ah, memories.

 

My beautiful dirty desk contains a picture of me and my sister, on the wall is my drawing of Lady Gaga in 2012 wearing the outfit she wore in her Judas music video (probably the only decent thing I’ve drawn in my entire life) which is then vandalized by my little cousins (those fuckers!), next is my Gawad Ustetika award, a creative writing award which I’ve won for an essay about singing in the shower and how it became this liberating especially if the shower is filled with childhood memories and coming-of-age stories (and yes, I’m using it as a bookend) [For more of this story, click last year’s entry about it]. Next to it is the books I’ve been reading: The Scorch Trials by James Dashner and The Best American Travel Essays 2005. I haven’t been reading Philippine Literatures but it can’t fit to my brimming bookshelves so I just put it there. Lastly is a book stand, bought my lovely cousin Jill- it’s hella cute and it’s hella efficient when I want to read while eating (because eating alone is boring – I either watch a 20-minute show or read a book with a book stand)

I have to explain these notebooks and what they are for because for some reason I want to share it with you: the red in the middle has my daily schedule or homework notebook. I take notes on what to do for three days which is rarely ever followed but I like the concept of a schedule even if it’s an illusion for being organized. The eat-sleep-recycle notebook is for writing down the books I have read, complete with dates I’ve started and finished. I’m that O.C. and bored with my life. I’ve been using this notebook for three years I think. And it’s almost completely filled so I use the cattleya notebook above it sometimes for the same purpose. The other Cattleya notebook is for writing down progress on my project. I write down ideas on this character or wonderful plot ideas. These Cattleya notebooks are very new so there’s not much in it. The notebook on the bottom is my journal. I use it to copy down quotes from a book, draw or doodle (it has no lines in it) or write down vaguely what I’ve been up to. It’s very special because it’s given to me by my swimmer-athlete friend gorgeous as fuck Megan. I sometimes put pictures in it or boarding passes from airports. It’s going to be its one year anniversary on March and I have only taken like 15 pages of it. The blue notebook at the top on the other hand is my movie log notebook. I put movies I think I should watch sorted by its director or movie recs. I used to write movie reviews in them but I’m too lazy to write in them now. I just rate the movies I watched and list them. I also write down which movies are coming this week or month in this humble notebook. I left it at home because it’s almost full. I’ll just buy another one here.

My books if unshelved. This is my sister’s room by the way.

The four albums I have: Owl City was a gift from a friend in high school. I was into Owl City when I was in high school. I loved the autotune shit and the simplicity behind it. Speaking of autotune, the Ke$ha album is also a gift from my cousin Ron who took me to a record store five Christmases ago and said “go pick up something” (which was one of the best Christmas gifts ever–to have freedom to pick anything) alongside with Mike Posner whom I loved for a brief amount of time. Mike Posner’s album is all about travelling and partying which is kind of cool now that I’ve realized it. The last one is Lady Gaga’s hit album from four years ago, bought it at the album launch and met professional impersonator Lady Gagita together with my now-lost friend Myrtle. I can’t find the pics but I’ll post them one day from my grave.

I do not buy any more physical album because who in their right minds from a middle-class in a third-world country would when you can download it illegally or get it from Spotify like what a classic milenial would? But now that I’m in the U.S. and later working, I’ll probably have to change.

A first-year-high-school project about your own evolution from baby to barely an adult is nailed to the wall on my bed’s feet.

I’m a natural achiever

  A little explanation: this was at the top of my closet–a project in TLE from high school, unused comforters, a soccer ball pillow which was lost but when found it was hella dirty, a lamp from our high school production of Noli Me Tangere which I never returned and asked to be returned, a bottle of The Bar Vodka (I think) which I stole from my friend’s dorm and lastly a printer’s box containing some of my notebooks/journal in the last seven years.
Caps: a Lady Gaga cap, a found-in-the-closet M cap, and underneathe my Jeje cap from one of my iconic Facebook profile pictures in 2009. Underneath is a poster I got from Art Fair last year.

The chronology is random but I hoped you got a sense of me. We need to move on in the end and this is me moving on… farewell, my lovely room. One day, I’ll tour you guys to my New York apartment or something.

The Bitch is Back!

 

So I’ve realized something: Facebook, Instagram, and even Twitter are taking all over my life and it’s turning into a bad thing. I’m slowly quitting them one by one.

For one, productivity. This year, I’ve been uber-busy, balancing romantic relationships one at a time with my ambitious competitive literary career and keeping up with family and friendships. Especially now that I’m in my last year in college. And the last thing I need is 2 hours of scrolling down my Facebook when there is a deadline waiting for me.

Two, other people’s bullshit. I have realized that I can’t really take other people’s bullshit. There are so many things I hate seeing in the internet but I do understand why people want to let us see them: like your bleeding leg or the 9th picture of your baby today. I hate it because I understand where they are coming from. I understand other people’s bullshit and some part of me should not.

Slightly the last: I am very insecure. I may be the person you despise because of this but, I admit, I care about the number of my likes or retweets. (Here’s the thing: I use the percentage, instead of numbers, because it’s more accurate that way) I get extremely sad when I thought about this hilarious, ridiculous tweet for two days only to find out no one even liked it so I had to delete it and tweet it again. My friend says it’s all about the timing of the entry and it is partly true.

And I just find that, that’s actually sad about me: that my happiness depends on a virtual number of approval, that I get validation from people who don’t even talk to me in real-time and real-life, even from people I have never known. In WordPress, since not everyone’s in WordPress, I don’t have to worry about the number of likes or reblogs, which makes me even happier and more carefree.

I have to get over this slight mental defect. I’ll be coming back in Twitter in February. In Instagram, maybe one or two years–I’m not sure. On Facebook, I’ll be online but I’ll be posting less because I’m back to blogging!

I have realized the importance of keeping a journal, writing down or capturing a moment, only recently, thanks to Julie Delpy’s character in the Before Sunset movie. I wish I had memories to look back from five years ago. I only have my Facebook accounts and my Twitter or Instagram to look for them which isn’t a bad thing actually but I find that blogging and keeping a journal is more organized, well-thought, and longer than 140 characters, giving this leeway for creativity and shit like that.

And if people really want to know what’s up with me, instead of randomly coming across a picture of me in their Facebook feed, they would intentionally write the URL of my blog and that’s kind of nice to know.

I’m hoping to have the best year-ender events. 2015 has been an awfully great year for me and I’m kind of afraid that 2016 will be a slow, uneventful one. Have a great holiday season and know that I love you, you stranger!

Check out these possible blog entry titles I’m working on: Feminism Through Selena Gomez, The Namesake Book Review, The Last of my UST, Welcome to my Room!, and How to Deal With Haters. These have been going around my head for months now. I have so much to talk about! . X

P

Super Secret Projects

An old Facebook profile picture circa 2011 during my Chris Brown era when I was still not a feminist
An old Facebook profile picture circa 2011 during my Chris Brown era when I was still not a feminist

PAST (partially finished like 10% finished and never again will be brought back to in-progress):

– a supernatural horror novel about a guy who could dream-predict murders. In the end, he had to kill himself to save somebody and return to life on the next day.

– Gossip Guy, a Gossip Girl spinoff about the scandalous privileged Manhattan teenagers.

-Eternal Cloud, slightly similar to The Fault in Our Stars inspired by Twilight (this begun my writing circa 2nd year in High School). This is also what’s written on our high school class legacy as the book that will define my literary career.

-a mystery teen drama called The Social Circle Mysteries, a cross between Gossip Girl and Pretty Little Liars. P.S. you could read the first three chapters in Wattpad. It wasn’t a hit though unlike the others.

-an incredible funny essay about growing up as a child with music using the space of the shower as tool. This won an award, y’all! I certainly loved this piece of work. All of my quirkiness in one short essay.

-The Daily Patrick, now unavailable but saved every book, movie, TV review, poem in my e-mail

-a short story (the very first in college) about a boy haunted by a white lady who turns out to be Jesus Christ (I had a born-again Christian phase for four years OK?). This made up of more than ten pages.
PRESENT

-short story in English about a Filipino boy who befriends a dragon he could only see. This was a requirement in my Creative Writing class. Up to now, it feels unfinished and unpolished.

-a novel about a cripple falling in love with a simple girl but turns out she was mysterious and stalkerish. Might give you some details but I want you to buy the book later in my life instead. This is my entry to the mainstream world. I hope this gets picked up as a TV series though.

-a novel about a teenager named Blue who tries to stop a bar from closing. This one I’m very proud of and very recent. It’s a hybrid of Skin, Shameless and My Mad Fat Diary. Also TV material.

-this blog
FUTURE

-a humorous and smart memoir of my first 10 years in the showbiz and Hollywood and New York

-a book containing all of my magazine covers and some paintings of me with different and subtle interpretations

-two acclaimed poetry collection written in Filipino with National Artist Rio Alma’s and my close friend James Franco’s blurb at the back

-another memoir which turns out to be a NYT bestseller about my rags-to-riches memoir as an immigrant in the U.S. and my travel exploits that will be released the year I’m going to die (let’s be poetically superstitious and say that it’s when I’m 49)

-a TV series wherein after the opening credits, my name would be at the center of the frame: “created by Patrick John”

-two movie screenplays that acquired a 60% or above rating on Rotten Tomatoes: 1) an American Beauty-ish kind of film with Lana del Rey as the lead 2) a pornographic art film (somehow much more risqué than Blue is the Warmest Color and artsy) which is going to be the trend by 2023.

-a blog like this beautiful and free. Possibly a foot fetish blog.

-lastly, a collection of stories by my friends and family about my 50 years being alive of course and how I changed their lives and legacy that will be released on the day of my funeral where the party will happen. In this way, many people would understand and see my different perspectives and unique relationships as a whole.  This is way too egoistic but I like this idea.

And that’s it. That’s everything you have to know about my writing life.

Update: I think I’m 10 pages in my memoir. Will look for a publisher and an agent who can get me a multimillion dollar book deal. This was written months ago but only posted now. I’m also very busy balancing my social life and my academic endeavors and of course, catching up with my favorite tv shows.