The Future

Lately, my life has taken a turn: left all my friends in Manila to move to the U.S. Also, got older, a little wiser, a little sexier, a little cuter. At the same time, all my friends are graduating, seeking nonexistent jobs for Literature majors. Everyone seemed to be moving on. Everyone is going to the next chapter of their lives, breaking up with college romances or creating new ones. They’ll probably get married soon too and have a baby. (At this point of my life, I’ll be glad if my friends had a baby)

I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out. And I wish someone could take the sadness I cannot (a Sia lyrics). When I look back at my life, and trust me this happens more often that I thought—reading old messages, scrolling through the pictures I posted on Twitter, a hole in me deepens. Like someone’s operating a hole in my heart and with a finger, digs and digs on it.

The Daily Patrick, the blog before this, meant a lot to me but I’ve decided to delete it because I realized I don’t want all of my work public and free for plagiarizing. It was also pretty tiring to have a daily commitment like a boyfriend or school (this is why I don’t have relationships! SSSH!). The Patrick Chronicles means a lot to me too. I’d like to think I’ve written some great blog entries (personal favorites: Awards Season and Feminism through Selena Gomez).

There’s a part of me that says, stay visible. Stay active. Your friends love you and they want to know what is up with you. And for quite some time, I’d like to stay that way.

On the other hand, I also want to stay low. I want to regroup. To think things through. What should be my next step in life aside from getting myself a bear claw or getting a date? So, yes, this is goodbye. I hope someday I could get back to writing blog entries. Maybe I will. But as of the present, I’m not planning to. I’m probably like Kris Aquino quitting showbiz then coming back a month after. I have several blogs of Tumblr and Blogspots I cannot delete after all. But right now, this is how I feel.

So to Denden, the only one I’m sure of who reads my blog on a regular basis: thank you.

I have a couple posts that I’ll be doing: a tour of Las Vegas and playlist 20, a playlist composed of songs that I have listened to over the years. The playlist 20 is titled Changes. Both of which are coming out on June.

For me, this is my future: I’ll be writing and writing secretly, try to get a novel done, a short story done, or a poetry collection done and submit them to various publications. I’m also going to find a job that can feed my family. I already have a Food Safety Health Card and I’ve submitted a lot of resumes online (none of which are interested). I’m going to buy a car, live an ordinary American life, complain about the hot weather about to hit this summer, go to awkward dates, fight with my family, and write. I’d like to be back to blog writing next year with this same website, so do not worry.

Do e-mail me for anything:

My Twitter account is pretty active: @patricksuxx

To the Future,

xx P


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