Places/ Persons I Love Farting In/To

This is a repost from my The List App account and rewriting some parts of it to format it into a blog entry. The thing is, farting is so common, yet we have so many different experiences regarding farts and most of them are untold and some, according to a comment, like mine is full of heart.

Well, we all have that occasional slow silent farts we have to let go. The better question is where or to whom.

  1. The bookstore. My sister has this huge thing about this specific bookstore branch that makes her really fart so bad and so wrong which I had adapted but in a different bookstore. I don’t know what is up with bookstore but I still just walk around browsing and farting.
  2. My sister’s hand. I only did this when I was a gross ten year old boy to annoy the shit out of her.
  3. In the men’s room, in the urinals, when I’m peeing. Am I the only who uncontrollably farts when I pee? It was so embarrassing when everybody heard me, oh my god. Which body organ that holds the fart? And does it coordinate with your kidneys??? Help me, jesus fucking christ…
  4. My mother and father. Every time the sun starts to rise, my parents would start their fart-off. One’s the loud one and the other smells so bad, I’m not going to identify them for their own protection. This happened when we all slept in one bed. I used to help out but I don’t think I can top my parents. They’re my role models.
  5. When my friends smoke. I don’t smoke and this is the only way I could contribute to air pollution.
  6. To myself. I sniff the shit out of my own fart. But when if it belongs to others, I get immediately grossed out.

To anyone who farts in airplanes, you guys are sick. I’m claustrophobic and farting would suffocate the shit out of me.

The picture is Gene Belcher, the boy with the fart musical instrument, from Bob’s Burgers.

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