A day in a typical, teenage boy in college in the Philippines on a brink of emotional breakdown would usually goes like this: in the morning he would groan, snooze his way out of bed four or five times, sing in the shower and maybe cry, eat a middle-class breakfast usually something involves a cup of rice, Milo (if I don’t feel like drinking coffee) and an egg. He would then groan his way to school via a long, tiresome commute, losing the expensive perfume scent he had sprayed onto himself early on, and arrive at school looking, smelling and feeling like trash. After class, he would eat with his friends, brag about this latest movie he had seen or the book that they all could not afford to buy, talk about Mindy Kaling or some other underrated Hollywood goddess, fighting every awkward situations head-on without a helmet. He will watch a movie at night, read a few hundred pages of a book that no one really cares about, catch-up with a TV series probably some dumb show like The Carrie Diaries and eat at some cool new burger place to take pretentious but delicious pictures of food. In between these routines, in between brushing his teeth with salt (and not toothpaste) and peeing afterwards, he would be constantly tweeting, talking about the things he do, fighting the temptation not to stalk anyone (including his teachers) posting cryptic Lana del Rey lyrics, attending to what his friends call a ‘sausage fest’ which is actually just Omegle, skyping his father who lives in Vegas, and shopping for books online. The point is he is online. Always. He, like everyone in the planet, wants to be heard so badly. And what would be the perfect solution for this: a fucking blog! Yes, you’re right!
Two years ago, I created this blog to vent out my feelings on Mindy Kaling and how I wanted to like her–to be a TV writer, star in it and get some free custom-made clothes from some big clothing brand. She is the light of my life and the fire of my loins. The day that I’m writing this is the day I will finally have my hands on some cash to buy her book that I’ve already read in my Kindle and that I want to stick my face to it when I’m sleeping soundly at night.
This blog is home. It truly feels like it. The writing life is home. And I also hope, that my avid fans, occasional readers and hot stalkers and the curious wanderer like you, yes you, the adorable-faced ugly-bodied creature who’s still awake at this godless hour of the night, would make this blog their home too.
This comeback is really difficult. One’s writing over the years should improve, if you’re not, then you are learning nothing. And that pressure is hugging me tightly in a major way. And it’s especially difficult with everything going on in my life and stuff like that, we’re all busy for Chrissakes. And for that, I’d like to thank you in advance for giving me your time. For a person who wants to die young (and beautiful), time is the important thing in the world.
Sheesh, I feel like writing a foreword for my book. Maybe it could be. And it feels so good, and warm inside.
P.S. Lisa Kudrow a.k.a. Phoebe Buffay has her own show called The Comeback.
–Patrick, the Great and the Powerful.